


All that glitters is gone

by YusukeKujo



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Color Blindness, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Star Tears AU, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27385276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YusukeKujo/pseuds/YusukeKujo
Summary: Colour Leak Condition, more commonly known as ‘Star Tears’, is a rare condition. It happens due to the person having unrequited love for someone, and it can only be cured if the person of interest loves the other person (who has the condition) back. The main symptoms and the main cause of the colour loss are the shiny tears, which are accompanied by a soft twinkling sound. If left untreated for too long, the person would start losing sight of colour, until the entire world is grey. It usually takes months before they start losing sight of colour, but it varies from person to person. If you cry more, you will lose sight of colour much faster. There is no way to cure the loss of colour in one’s vision as of now.Akira means the world to Yusuke, and he would do anything for him, even if it meant giving up his ability to see colours.!!Please read the tags carefully!!
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Kitagawa Yusuke, Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kitagawa Yusuke/Kurusu Akira, Kitagawa Yusuke/Persona 5 Protagonist, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	All that glitters is gone

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not gonna say this again but Yusuke does attempt suicide in this fic so please proceed with caution.

It started out as a blinding flash of light, followed by another, then another, all accompanied by a soft twinkling sound. Yusuke rubbed at his eyes, frowning as he blinked. Was he..crying? That made sense; the book he was reading had evoked so much emotion from him. Why were his tears so bright though? When was the last time he ate? Yusuke glanced at the clock on his nightstand. 2am.

“...ah.” He hadn’t eaten since this afternoon. That must be why he was seeing these lights and hearing odd noises. Sighing, he placed the book aside, switching the light off before getting into bed. He’ll get some breakfast tomorrow and it’ll go away.

* * *

Yusuke would’ve forgotten all about that weird incident, had it not occurred again a few weeks later. This time, he knew exactly why he was crying; he had seen a recent article talking about how Madarame was doing in prison, something that he never really expected to see. He found himself crying, staring at the glittering tears rolling down his cheeks. This...wasn’t normal. Glittery tears? Maybe it was his vision...can someone suddenly develop astigmatism in their teens? He should do some research on that..and where is that twinkling sound coming from? Must be someone walking around with a bell, Yusuke’s not too fussed about it. Surely it was nothing, right?

This happened a few more times before Yusuke finally decided to search online about it; it had happened way too many times for this to be ‘just the light’, especially not when he had seen his tears shimmering in the dark after waking up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare. Time to take to the internet.

“Right then, let's see whether people have experienced this before..” Yusuke mutters as he takes a seat on his bed, grabbing his phone to open up google, typing in the words ‘why are my tears sparkling?’ into the search bar. The first thing that pops up startles him a bit: Colour Leak Condition. Yusuke frowns, immediately clicking on the first link. It took him to a forum site, a bunch of people answering one person’s question.

**Question** : Does anyone know why my tears are shiny? It kinda hurts when I cry too because of how bright it is..and there’s a weird twinkling sound that follows, like when those magical girls in anime use their magic. Can someone tell me what’s wrong please?

**Answer** : That happened to a friend of mine too! Please help if anyone knows :(  
**Answer** : I had this happen to a boyfriend of mine, he even lost sight of some colours…  
**Answer** : I’ve heard of this condition; it’s called Colour Leak Condition, but it’s most commonly known as ‘Star Tears’, is a rare condition, and it happens due to the person having unrequited love for someone. It can only be cured if the person of interest loves the other person (who has the condition) back. The main symptoms and the main cause of the colour loss are the shiny tears, which are accompanied by a soft twinkling sound. If left untreated for too long, the person would start losing sight of colour, until the entire world is grey. It usually takes months before they start losing sight of colour, but it varies from person to person. If you cry more, you will lose sight of colour much faster. There is no way to cure the loss of colour in one’s vision as of now.

“...what?” Yusuke freezes, eyes widening in shock. Lose all sight of colour? He couldn’t have that- he needs to see colour to paint! Unrequited love didn’t even make any sense- he didn’t even know who he had feelings for! Yusuke starts fidgeting with the cuffs of his sleeves. If this is true...if he really lost sight of colours...his entire career would go down the drain, he would never be able to paint again and he would be left with nothing in his life-

A phone notification snaps Yusuke out of his spiral, causing him to glance back at his phone. A text message from Akira in the groupchat.

`/ **Akira** : Anyone free to hang out?/  
/ **Ann** : no sorry, I'm going to visit Shiho :(/  
/ **Ryuji** : can't dude, sorry, my ma wants me home to help her clean up some stuff/  
/ **Akira** : Makoto?/  
/ **Makoto** : sorry, I promised a classmate to help them study for an upcoming test/  
/ **Futaba** : I'm gaming rn/  
/ **Akira** : Sheesh okay/  
/ **Haru** : sorry Akira! I'd love to hang out but unfortunately I'm rather busy at the moment/  
/ **Akira** : that's alright Haru!/  
/ **Ryuji** : Yusuke we know you're there we can see you're online/`

`\I was merely waiting for a good time  
to come in\`

`/Akira: Yusuke! Are you free to hang out?/`

`\Well I suppose I don’t have anything  
planned\`

`/Akira: perfect! I'll see you at the train station!/  
`

`\See you\`

Yusuke can't help but smile, standing up to grab his bag. Perhaps having Akira as company will distract him from this..he'll figure something out soon..

* * *

“Right, we have everything, let's get going.” Akira says as he checks his inventory, Ryuji pulling his phone out to boot up the app.  
“We have three targets today, all of which are on the lower floors, so be on your guards.” He adds, the world warping around them. The group of nine find themselves in their thief outfits, the ominous, red glow of the metaverse illuminating them.  
“Ah, so this is Mementos..” Goro mutters, the group heading into the station.  
“And this is the joint palace of everyone?”  
“Correct.” Morgana nods. “These people’s desires aren’t strong enough to have a palace, but if left alone for too long, they will be able to develop into a palace.”  
“..so your targets before, were they once here?”  
“..perhaps, but we’ll never know for sure.”  
“Interesting..” Goro then walks ahead of the group, Morgana rushing after him. “Slow down Crow! It’s dangerous to go alone!”

Yusuke can’t help but glance at Akira, a slight frown on his face. Akira seems rather amused by that, letting out a soft chuckle as he pats Yusuke’s shoulder. “Just a little more Fox, hang in there.”  
“Is my disdain that obvious?”  
“Yea, you might want to tone it down a bit.”  
“I’m sorry, it’s just..when I think about the things he did..” Yusuke’s frown deepens. “...the fact that he’s able to act like he never did anything, it disgusts me.”  
“..yea, I know what you mean.” Akira nods. “But we gotta, for the plan to work.”  
“..I know.” Yusuke turns to the other, “I wouldn’t want to ruin it over something like this. I trust you Joker..”  
Akira grins, “I know Fox, and I won’t take your trust for granted.” He turns to look ahead, “now come on, lets go kick some shadow ass, you’re on the team today.”  
“As you wish..”

* * *

“FOX WATCH OUT!!”

That was all Yusuke heard before he was knocked off his feet, letting out a wheeze as he hit the floor. His vision started to swim, the sounds of the ongoing battle getting fainter and fainter…

“Fox? Fox wake up, hey can you hear me?”

Yusuke lets out a groan, his eyes fluttering open. His vision is blurry for a few seconds, then it focuses on the person looking over him: Akira. In the dim light of mementos..it almost looked like Akira was glowing, like..an angel.

“Oh thank god, he’s okay..” Akira sighs in relief as he looks at the others, then he turns back to Yusuke again. “Hey pretty boy, you got us all scared there for a moment..” he chuckles, smiling at Yusuke. “A-ah, I’m sorry..”  
“Don’t be, we’re just glad that you’re okay..” Akira then offers his hand to Yusuke, who grabs onto it. That connection, at that moment..it felt like electricity coursed through Yusuke’s veins, leaving him almost breathless. His cheeks were getting hot, butterflies in his stomach...is this..love?

Before Yusuke could process the feeling, he’s hauled onto his feet, Akira dusting his outfit down.  
“Right, I’m taking you off the frontlines.”  
“But-”  
“No buts.” Akira frowns. “You need to rest.”  
“..okay..”  
“Good.” Akira then turns Ryuji. “Skull, you take over Fox’s spot.”  
“Alright!” Ryuji grins. “I’ve been waiting for this!”  
“Him?”

Everyone turns to look at Goro.  
“What?”  
“No offence but...I was expecting someone more..level headed...like Queen.”  
“What, you think that I’m stupid?”  
“That’s not what I said-”  
“Yea well, I’ve been here more times than you.” Ryuji frowns, “you’re always acting like you’re better than everyone but you’re not. Besides, you’re not the leader, Joker is. You might be blackmailing us, but you’re in OUR group, act like a teammate.”  
“...” Goro goes silent, looking pissed off. If he wanted to say anything else however...he doesn’t.  
“..fine..”  
“Good.” Ryuji then turns to look at Akira, grinning at him. “Now then, shall we, leader?”  
“Y-yea..” Akira adjusts his mask, turning away. “Let’s continue..”

* * *

The group manage to get through the rest of their journey without any other arguments or bad injuries. Goro even went to apologise to Ryuji, to which the blond (reluctantly) apologised as well, the group going their separate ways. Yusuke was just about to head back to his dorm, when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turns, making eye contact with Akira.

“Hey uh, do you wanna head back to Leblanc and have dinner together? I asked Ryuji but uh- he had to head home to help his mother with something..”  
“Oh, well, I do not have any plans for the night, so I suppose I wouldn’t mind heading back to Leblanc with you.”

Akira smiles, once again causing Yusuke’s stomach to twist into knots. If this really was love..Yusuke was so relieved for it to be Akira and not someone off the street- all he had to do was tell Akira he liked him, and all will be fine..

“Great.”  
“Stop standing there you two, I’m hungry!!” Futaba starts to tug at Akira’s arm, the boy laughing.  
“Alright sheesh, we’re going!”  
“Inari hurry up!”  
“Do not call me that.” Yusuke huffs, following after the pair. He will do more research on what he was feeling when he gets back, that can wait.

* * *

When Yusuke got back to his dorm that night, he immediately went online to do research..after he took a shower of course- the mere thought of sitting in his bed when he’s covered in sweat and dirt grossed him out.

“Right, let’s see what I can find..” Yusuke picks the phone up from his night stand, taking a seat on his bed. He opens his web browser, then starts typing into the search bar. ‘How do I know that I am in love with someone?’

He clicks on the first link.

**Question** : Um, this is gonna sound really stupid but how do I tell if I have fallen in love with someone? I think I might be crushing on someone...but it feels much more than that? Like, idk. If someone could help, it would be great, thank you!

**Answer** : You would probably feel really happy around them, and you feel all warm and fuzzy, and you smile when they smile, and feel sad when they’re sad. You also feel really comfortable around them, like you can let your guard down and be yourself.  
**Answer** : Before my girlfriend and I started dating, when we were hanging out, she would often hold my hand, and every time she did that, I just..kinda felt like, a spark? Like..fireworks? Or electricity..idk but at that moment I just knew that I was in love with her.  
**Answer** : I think I knew when I realised that I wanted a future with them- like, I want to move in with them...get a few cats, maybe kids..all that stuff. I also kinda thought about cuddling with them, kissing them..all that, yea.  
**Answer** : Well everyone feels love differently, I think what is important is that you know that you can be yourself around them- that you don’t feel like you have to hide any part of yourself from them. It won’t be healthy if you feel uncomfortable around them.

“..huh..” That made sense, he did feel safe and comfortable around Akira..and he liked the idea of spending the rest of his life with him...and...kissing him...does seem appealing…

Yusuke’s cheeks turn red at the idea. Oh, that was scandalous- that probably seals the deal, right? Yea...you probably don’t want to kiss any of your friends..

* * *

Once Yusuke was sure that, yes, he indeed harboured feelings for Akira. Now it was just a matter of confessing to him. However, everything was happening all at once; what with Akira getting arrested the first time, going through Shido’s palace, fighting a god...and Akira getting arrested the SECOND time, they had absolutely no time for breaks, let alone for Yusuke to find time to confess to him. Whatever time he had was spent trying to appeal Akira’s sentence, even going to talk on TV to get more support for him. In between all that however, he had managed to make a painting for Akira- it was a portrait of the black haired teen smiling, covered with red, blue and purple butterflies, to signify that Akira made him feel butterflies in his stomach. Yusuke hoped that Akira would understand what he was trying to convey..

* * *

After two long months, the court finally decided to let Akira go, the group of friends immediately gathering at Leblanc to wait for his arrival. Yusuke had even brought along the painting, planning to pull Akira aside to confess to him. The cafe was mostly silent, the group being too nervous and excited to finally see their leader after so long.

“...I hope he’s okay..” Ann mutters, running her hand through one of her pigtails. “It’s been so long since we saw him..”  
“I tried asking my sister if we could visit him, but she said that he wasn’t allowed any as he was ‘dangerous’,”  
“..bullshit.” Ryuji huffs, “they just refuse to admit that Akira saved everyone’s asses.”  
“Well..he’s out now right? That’s all that matters..”  
“..yea, that’s all that matters, he’s coming back to us..”

The door opens, everyone whipping their head over. Even though it looked like he had lost some weight, and looked a little worse for wear...it was the same Akira they knew. The sense of relief and joy that filled Yusuke...was almost overwhelming. His chest was tightening up, his hands were shaking. Akira was back, he's okay, he's okay..

“..what’s wrong? You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
“Akira!!” The group rushes over, Ann and Haru embracing him into a smoldering hug, Ryuji and Futaba joining soon after, followed by Makoto, and finally Yusuke.  
“..I missed you guys- thank you, thank you for getting me out.”  
“Did you think we were going to leave you in there?” Futaba frowns, “we wouldn’t have let that happen.”  
“Haha yea, I know.”

The hug breaks, the group returning to their seats, Akira sliding into the booth next to Ryuji.  
“..you lost weight.”  
“..yea, juvie food ain’t the best.” Akira shrugs, running a hand through his hair. “At least most of the kids respected me in there- well, they did not dare to mess with me, least I ‘messed with their minds’.”  
“We’re just glad that you’re out and safe.”

* * *

The group continues with their conversation, Sojiro even making some curry and coffee for them (Akira wouldn’t shut up about how much he missed the food at Leblanc during the car ride it seemed). After everyone was full and happy, Yusuke decided that he would confess to Akira now. He opens his mouth, but before he could say anything, Ryuji speaks.

“Hey uh, actually, Akira and I have an announcement to make.”  
Akira turns to Ryuji, eyes widening. He leans closer to start whispering to the blond, and Yusuke could barely make out what they were saying.  
“Are you sure? Right now?”  
“Then when? We might as well tell them now that everyone’s here.”  
“Tell us what?”  
The boys turn to look at the group again, looking rather..nervous.  
“Well uh...we just..wanted to say that..”  
“Akira and I are dating. And um- have been for a few months actually..”

The entire cafe goes silent, so quiet that you could’ve heard Morgana snoring if he was sleeping.  
“..I knew that something was up with you two!” Ann is first to break the silence as she smiles.  
“You knew?”  
“No, but I suspected something between the two of you- you guys are not subtle you know? I see you staring at each other whenever we are in Mementoes..”  
“When did you two start dating?”  
“Um..around the start of September last year…”

Everything else fades into the background for Yusuke. Akira and Ryuji were dating? Since September? How did he not notice? Now that their relationship was made known, it was so obvious: the way Akira and Ryuji always sat a bit too close to each other, their hands intertwined under the table, the way Akira looks longingly at Ryuji..how could he have been so blind? There was no way he had a chance with Akira..oh, was this what heartbreak felt like? It hurt so bad that he could cry-

“Yusuke?”  
He snaps out of his daze, turning to Akira, noticing that all eyes were on him now. “Are you alright?”  
“Y-yes, I just..I can’t believe that you’re back..”  
“Well, I am, and I’m not going anywhere now..” Akira smiles, and it felt like a dagger in Yusuke’s chest, digging deeper and deeper.  
“..yes, I’m glad for that.” He forces out a smile, and that seemed to satisfy Akira, who turns back to the group.

* * *

Yusuke stayed there for half an hour more, the entire time it felt like his head was underwater. He stands up, making a lousy excuse of having an upcoming competition. Everyone seemed too distracted by Akira, so he slipped out of the cafe before anyone could notice, making his way towards the station. He’s about half way there...when the tears he had been holding back started to roll down his cheeks. He stubbornly wipes them away, but more only followed, the bright glare of his tears only causing more to spill. This was it, wasn’t it? What was he going to do now? Akira was in love with someone else...there’s no way Yusuke was going to get his attention..he was going to keep crying and crying and eventually lose all sight of colours and he would never be able to paint ever again-

He bites back a sob, running towards the station. He couldn’t let them see him like this..he couldn’t. Akira was happy like this...and he deserved to be- Yusuke would give him the world and more if he could, even at the expense of his happiness. Surely there has to be another way to solve this, right..?

* * *

Maybe he meant to do it, or not, but Yusuke had been avoiding the group ever since that day. Every time someone questioned him, he would come up with a new excuse each time; he had an assignment due, he had homework, he had to do an art study..anything to get them off his backs. It had come to the point where his avoidant behaviour was starting to worry the rest- sure, Yusuke had been busy in the past..but not till this extent, right? He was starting to overwork himself again, and they were not too happy with that. So finally, after three weeks of Yusuke not meeting them or replying to their texts, they decided to send someone to go check up on him..

* * *

The artist nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears a knock on the door of his dorm. He wasn’t expecting any guests today..did one of them decide to drop by uninvited? Yusuke stands up, walking over to the door.  
“Who-”  
“It’s me, Makoto.”  
Yusuke fumbles to open the door.  
“Wh- what are you doing here?”  
“Paying you a visit of course. You’ve been so busy, we were all worried that you weren’t taking care of yourself..”  
“I’m doing perfectly fine.”  
“Those empty cup noodle bowls and rubbish say otherwise.”

Yusuke glances behind, cheeks pinking in embarrassment when he sees the state of his room. “..if I had known you were coming today, I would’ve cleaned up.”  
“Yusuke when was the last time you had a proper meal?” Makoto frowns, Yusuke refusing to meet her eyes.  
“...I had some leftover noodles last night..”  
“That’s unhealthy!”  
“I know but- it’s what I have available..”  
“..well, I got you take away from the beef bowl store nearby, you should eat before the food turns cold.”  
“..thank you..” Yusuke takes the bag from Makoto, sitting down at the table to eat. While he was eating, she starts to clean up the area. “Oh..you don’t have to-”  
“No Yusuke, you need to start taking better care of yourself, you were doing so well before, what happened?” Makoto turns to look at the other, her eyes stern, but also filled with concern.  
“...” Yusuke turns away again. “It’s...it’s nothing-”  
“You and I both know that it’s not nothing, if you tell me, I can try to help you..”  
“...”

Yusuke takes a bite of his food, hoping to delay it further, but with the way Makoto was staring at him..she probably won’t leave until he tells her what’s troubling him.  
“...Makoto, you know that I’m an artist, right?”  
“..of course I do Yusuke.”  
“And..you know how important it is for me to be able to see colours, yes?”  
“Yes..- I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”  
“..what if I told you that...I could lose sight of colours, all of them, and there is no way for me to get them back..?”  
“..Yusuke is there something wrong?”  
“Well...”

* * *

The next half an hour was spent with Yusuke explaining his condition to Makoto, even showing her the website he found with information on it. She didn’t quite believe it at first..but with how serious Yusuke was acting, it didn’t seem like an elaborate prank set up by Futaba..

“...so this..colour leak condition, it can only be cured if the person of your interest reciprocates your love?”  
“Yes, that’s right.”  
“..then, who is it? I may not be the best at relationships, but we can ask Ann for help.”  
“...it won’t be of any use Makoto; they...they’re already in a relationship.”

Makoto flinches when she hears that. “O-oh...I’m...I’m sorry I..”  
“It’s alright.”  
Silence fell between them.  
“...have you really decided not to tell them?”  
“Yes..they’ve been through a lot, and I don’t want to ruin their happiness.”  
“...and there’s really no other way to stop you from losing sight of colour?”  
“No, not that I know of.”  
“...”  
“...Makoto...please keep this between the two of us..”  
“But-”  
“Please. I...I don’t want to worry the rest. I’ll figure something out..”  
“..okay..”

Yusuke then gives Makoto a small, sad smile. “Thank you. I do apologise for worrying you- and the rest. I’ll be sure to send a text to the group telling them I am okay..”

* * *

Despite Yusuke preparing himself for the inevitable day that he'll start losing sight of colour..well, nothing could've prepared him for it, really. He wakes up when his alarm rings, and sets about getting ready for school. Everything was normal: he takes a quick shower, brushes his teeth, gets changed, and reaches for one of the fruits from the basket Haru had dropped off. He grabs the grey one, and is about to leave when..he freezes. A..grey fruit? No, that can't be right. Yusuke turns to look at the fruit in his eyes, breath hitching in his throat. It was a tangerine, it's clearly a tangerine. It felt like one, it looked like one...but the colour..wasn't there. It was a grey tangerine. Yusuke tenses up, eyes widening as he stares at the fruit in his hand. How long had it been since he first found out? He did research when it was still July last year, it started late June..what month is it? March? April? Did he forget to keep track? He was already losing sight of colour..he didn’t think that it would happen now..

Yusuke drops to the ground, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to hold back his tears, his breathing becoming quick and shaky. He brings his hands up to cover his ears, trying to block everything out. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening- it had to be a dream right? Nothing more than a nightmare. He will wake up from this and everything will be okay. He just had to open his eyes, open his eyes and-

The tangerine sat in front of him on the floor, still grey, still void of its bright, vibrant colour. “..n-no..” Yusuke closes his eyes again, pinching himself. “Wake up- wake up wake up wake up, this cannot be happening, this isn’t real this isN’T REAL!!”

Once again, he opens his eyes. Nothing changed. The tangerine was still as grey as ever. Yusuke thinks that he might be going crazy, for it seemed like the fruit was mocking him, taunting him. A reminder of his pain, his sadness, his heartbreak..

Impulsively, Yusuke reaches for the tangerine, then squeezes, crushing the fruit in his hand. Even the juice that dripped from his closed fist and onto the carpet was grey…

“..no..” Yusuke whispers. tears gathering in his eyes, his fist clenching harder when he hears the light, twinkling sound. Damn this, damn this condition and damn these stupid tears-

He takes a deep breath, then takes a few minutes to compose himself. ..he’ll take a day off school, there is no way he has the mood to sit in class and listen to a lecture right now. Besides, he had to clean the juice up from the now ruined carpet. In fact, he might stay in his dorm for a few days to try to process his emotions..

* * *

Denial got him nowhere, as Yusuke soon finds out. It only brought him more pain, but it was the only thing he knew to do in this situation. There was no way he was going to tell Akira about his feelings, and the condition was never going to go away unless Akira loved him..so there was absolutely nothing he could do. The next colour he lost sight of was green, and oh, that hurt. To wake up and now see that the trees, grass, and bushes were grey, it served as a constant reminder of his predicament..

* * *

This morning, Yusuke wakes up, and he immediately gets the feeling that..something is wrong. He quickly glanced over his room. Brown, yellow, was it blue? He threw open the curtains, letting out a sigh of relief. He can still see the sky, he can still see blue. Perhaps he was thinking too much into it? Yusuke stands by the window, people watching for a moment. He watches a little girl skip down the path with her mother, an elderly couple making conversation on one of the benches..he recognised them- he would often see them sitting on that very bench, and that lady would often wear a red hat- wait…

Yusuke turns back to the couple, staring at the hat again. It was..grey? Did she change her hat today? Or..no. Eyes widening, Yusuke rushes over to where he stored his paintings, looking through it, freezing when he finally sees the painting he made of Akira. The red butterflies, the red hues he had painted..they all looked grey.

The canvas clatters onto the floor, Yusuke stumbling backwards with a gasp. No….no no no- not red, anything but red.

“No..”

Red was Akira’s colour, it was the only thing Yusuke could keep close to him without feeling guilty about it.

“No..no please..

Red was precious to him, so so precious..why was the universe so cruel to take this away from him?

“Not this..”

He had nothing left..absolutely nothing..

“...” Yusuke quickly covers the painting, gut twisting as he retreats back to his bed. This was unfair, so unfair, what had he done to warrant this? He must’ve done something so cruel in his past life that he was suffering so much now. If he was just going to keep losing colours..then he did not have a purpose in life anymore.

At that moment, it seemed like something clicked in his mind. ..he could stop suffering, if he just...went to sleep, forever. That was it, wasn’t it? That was all he had to do. Yusuke wraps his blanket around his shoulders, staring at the canvas on the ground. ..he needed to prepare, first, a will..

* * *

It was about 12am when the group received a text from Yusuke. It was rather shocking, since it had been awhile since Yusuke was active in the chat. Akira almost does a double take when he sees Yusuke’s name in the text notification.

`/ **Yusuke** : Hello/  
/ **Ann** : Yusuke!/  
/ **Ryuji** : Dude where have you been?? We missed you!/  
/ **Yusuke** : I apologise for worrying you all once again../`

`\Do not apologise for this Yusuke\`

`/ **Futaba** : How are you doing?/  
/ **Yusuke** : I’m doing okay/  
/ **Yusuke** : Actually I dropped by today to thank you all/  
`

`\Oh? What for?\`

Akira watches Yusuke type for a while.

`/ **Yusuke** : Thank you all for being my friends, I really appreciate it. Thank you for accepting me into your friend group and helping me get away from Madarame. Thank you all for being so patient to me, even when I don’t understand things sometimes; instead of mocking me, you explain it to me. You always make sure that I take care of myself, and you check up on me when you're worried. I am so grateful to have you all in my life. I’m not the best at penning my thoughts down, but I do know one thing: I love all of you./  
/ **Ann** : Aww/  
/ **Haru** : Yusuke we love you too!/`

`\There’s no need to thank us for being your friend Yusuke..\`

`/ **Yusuke** : I just want you all to know/  
/ **Makoto** : Well, we’re always here to talk to you Yusuke, no matter what/  
/ **Yusuke** : I know/  
/ **Yusuke** : Well, it’s getting late, I should go to bed now/  
/ **Yusuke** : Goodbye/ `

...goodbye? That’s...not a normal choice of words, and it seemed like Akira was not the only one who thought that; he immediately receives a notification from Futaba in a new group chat.

`/ **Futaba** : Hey this is weird and all but/  
/ **Futaba** : Does anyone else think that Inari is acting..weird?/  
/ **Haru** : I think that his latest texts were rather concerning../  
/ **Ryuji** : Right? Like, I know that he’s known to use weird sentence structure, but that’s just weird./  
/ **Ann** : He’s been online less..like he’s avoiding us../`

`\I think so too..I’m really worried about him..\`

`/ **Makoto** : ..I know why Yusuke’s acting weird./  
`

`\You do?\`

`/ **Makoto** : Yes. He told me not to tell you all, but his texts were alarming, so I think that it’s best if I told you/  
/ **Makoto** : Yusuke has something called Colour Leak Condition/  
/ **Makoto** : It happens when a person experiences unrequited love, he mentioned that it’s more commonly known as Star Tears. The person’s tears would turn sparkly and when they cry, there would be a twinkling sound that follows. If they don't manage to get their love reciprocated, they'll end up losing sight of colours, perhaps all of it if there is no hope/  
/ **Ryuji** : ..shit/  
/ **Haru** : He was hiding this from us the entire time?/  
`

`\But...why?\`

`/ **Makoto** : ..he did not want to worry you all/  
/ **Futaba** : Stupid Inari- he knows that we care about him!!/  
/ **Makoto** : Yusuke mentioned that his condition had started rather early last year, sometime in late June/  
/ **Makoto** : I think..he already started losing sight of colours/  
/ **Ann** : Oh my god../  
/ **Ryuji** : Is there no way to fix his eyesight? At all?/  
/ **Futaba** : I just went to search. There's no way to fix it. The only way to stop losing more colours is for the person he likes to reciprocate/  
/ **Ann** : Do you know who he likes Makoto?/  
/ **Makoto** : ..no, he did not tell me, and he refused to../`

`\..I’m gonna head down to his dorm to check on him\  
\I’m really worried about Yusuke\`

`/ **Makoto** : Good idea/  
/ **Ryuji** : Do you want me to go with you?/`

`\No time. I’m going now\`

Akira hops out of bed, hastily putting his shoes on. He grabs a coat, putting it on before reaching for his keys and wallet, then running out of Leblanc. His phone was buzzing, no doubt the rest of the group texting him. Yusuke..why hadn’t he told any of them..? They could’ve helped him, did he not trust them? Frowning, Akira shakes the thoughts out of his head. No, he shouldn’t be thinking about these kinds of things- his first priority is making sure that Yusuke is okay…

* * *

The train could not go any faster, much to Akira’s frustration. The moment he got off it, he started sprinting towards Yusuke’s dormitory. By the time he got to the door, it was about 12.27am.

“Yusuke? Yusuke are you in there?” Akira knocks on the door, trying not to shout- he didn’t want to wake Yusuke’s neighbours up. When he did not get an answer however..he starts to get worried. He then tries to rattle the door handle, flinching when he manages to push the door handle down.

“...I’m coming in!” He says as he pushes the door open, groping around for the lightswitch. At a glance, everything seemed normal, except for the fact that Yusuke wasn’t in the room. Akira then heads over to the bathroom, knocking on it before he tries the handle. Once again, the door swings open, and once again, there’s no one inside..

`\He’s not at his dorm\`

He starts to take a look around the room, noticing a piece of paper on Yusuke’s pillow. “Huh? What’s..this?” Akira walks over to pick it up, unfolding it to read it.

_To whoever is reading this,  
I suppose you must’ve realised that I’ve been missing for a few days now, or maybe they have found my body and decided to check my room, either way, I’m sorry. It’s just too much to take; the mere thought of losing sight of all colours, it makes me want to cry. All my life, I’ve always dreamt of showing my work to the world, but if I become colourblind, I will never be able to do that. I know that there is more to me than art, as all of my friends have tried to tell me, but I don’t think that I’ll be able to live out the rest of my life in mere shades of grey. To wake up unable to see bright sky, not being able to watch the colours of it change as the sun sets, the colours of the leaves changing throughout the seasons, the vivid colours of the flowers in Inokashira park..the colours I use to convey my thoughts and emotions through, I cannot bare the thought of never being able to see those colours again. Without art, I am nothing more than just another drop in the ocean, I am nothing special without it. I know I am a coward for running away instead of trying to confront my problems, but it is the only thing I know of that'll end my pain. Please give my friends the letters I have left for them, one each, their names are on the envelopes. Thank you, and I truly am sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused._

_-Yusuke_

“..Shit.” Akira tenses up, stuffing the note into his pocket before running out of the room.

`\Futaba track Yusuke’s phone\`

`/ **Futaba** : On it/  
/ **Ann** : What’s going on?/  
/ **Makoto** : Is everything okay?/`

`\He left a worrying note\  
\I’m afraid that he might hurt himself\`

  
`/ **Ryuji** : Shit/  
/ **Futaba** : He’s in Inokashira park, I’ll send his live location to the group so we can keep track of him/`

`\Alright, I’m heading down now\`

With that, Akira starts running towards the park. How had he not noticed? How upset Yusuke seemed to be, how he had been avoiding them..there are so many signs that he had missed- god why was he so stupid? If anything were to happen to Yusuke..Akira wouldn’t be able to forgive himself, never..

* * *

When Akira finally got to the park, it was almost 1am. Despite how tired he was, how ragged his breathing was..his legs kept moving by themselves. One more step, just one more step..he can’t afford to stop, he had to find Yusuke. His lungs hurt, his hair was sticking to his forehead, he could hear his heart pounding in his ears..but he can’t stop, he can’t stop..he had to find Yusuke..

He makes a beeline to where Yusuke was, watching his dot on the map get closer and closer towards the stationary one. “Come on come on- where are you Yusuke, where would you be?” He mutters, glancing around the place, scanning over every bench in hopes that he would find Yusuke sitting there, hoping that every person he saw on the way was going to be his friend. Eventually he came across a bridge over a river, and he almost ran past it, if he had not spotted a figure in his peripheral vision. He makes a hard stop, eyes widening when he sees the scene in front of him- Yusuke, climbing over the railing of the bridge, his bag set down on the ground.

At that moment, Akira’s legs start moving once again, running over him. “YUSUKE STOP!!” He yells, the artist turning when he hears his name, looking shocked to see Akira standing there.

“Aki-”  
Before he could continue, Akira's by his side, pulling him down from the railing, causing the taller boy to tumble down due to the sudden tug.  
“Ow..”  
“What were you thinking?!”

Yusuke glances up, eyes widening when he sees how upset Akira looks: furrowed brows, eyes full of concern, confusion, sadness...if Yusuke were to make a painting of Akira’s eyes right now, it would be swirling with reds, oranges, maybe even blue..

“..you weren’t meant to find or see me like this..you weren’t meant to be here with me.”  
“And just let you suffer?”  
Akira frowns.  
“...why didn’t you tell us?”  
“..I didn’t want to be a burden..”  
“Yusuke..”

Akira gently grips Yusuke’s shoulders, staring into his eyes. “We care about you- /I/ care about you. We want you to be okay, and we would’ve done everything we could to help..you..you do trust us, right?”

Ah..Akira looked hurt when he said that...had he upset him? Please don’t look so sad, not for someone like him, he didn’t deserve his attention and care..

“You..you cannot help me Akira..you cannot help me, not with this. I know you have a big heart a-and..and I know you want to help and...I’m..I’m sorry for making you worry and-” he wipes his tears away, choking back a sob. “..please just leave me be Akira, please...I do not deserve y-your care and- and I’ll do nothing but burden you-”

Yusuke chokes out a sob, wiping his tears away as he turns away from Akira, trying to hide his face. He dared to sneak a glance at him, gut twisting when he saw how sad and confused Akira looked. _‘No...no don’t look at me like that, please don’t give me those sad, pitiful eyes. It only hurts more to know that you will never look at me with more than that in your eyes...please..’_

“..Yusuke, we’ll get through this together okay? You’re not a burden, and you most definitely deserve my care. I’m not going to just leave you here like this.” Akira frowns, pulling Yusuke into a tight hug. “..why won’t you tell us who you like? We can figure something out- you’re such a wonderful guy Yusuke..why wouldn’t anyone like you? You’re passionate, you’re so talented, and you have such a big heart despite what you’ve been through..why are you worried?”  
“...”

_‘Because I’m not him. I’m not strong like him, I’m not funny like him. I don’t understand the jokes you make, and I will never be able to make you smile or laugh like him. I will never make you happy like he makes you. When he laughs, when he smiles, you look at him with such fondness...I will never be able to compare to him. I could do everything for you, I can make you smile, make you laugh, and though you hold me so tenderly now...you will never hold me like you hold him. You will never love me like you love him. I could go on forever about how much you inspire me, about how beautiful you are; I could paint you a thousand paintings, and although you say you love them, it will mean nothing to you. I will go to hell and back for you, but it’ll mean nothing to you, because even though you mean the world and more to me, I mean nothing at all to you. Because I am not him. Because I am not Ryuji..’_

“..please just let me go Akira, I’m tired..”  
“Stop trying to dodge the question Yusuke.”  
“...they’re already dating someone else, there is nothing I can do.”

Yusuke pulls away from the hug, “it’s best if I did not interfere.”  
“..are you giving up before even trying?”  
“And ruin someone else’s relationship?”

Silence fell between them, Akira watching as Yusuke wiped a few stray tears away.  
“..let’s go, you’re coming back to Leblanc with me.”  
“I’ll be fi-”  
“It’s not a request.”

Ah. The Joker voice. Akira was serious.

“You’re coming back with me, I’m not going to let you be alone after what I just saw.”  
“...alright, just for tonight..”

Akira nods, pulling Yusuke onto his feet, steadying him when he sways.  
“When was the last time you ate?”  
“..I cannot remember..”  
“..I’ll heat up some curry for you when we get back then.” He then starts gathering Yusuke’s things, returning to the artist’s side to grab onto his hand. That causes Yusuke to flinch, but he doesn’t say anything, turning away from Akira.  
“..let’s go back, okay?”  
“...okay..”  
Maybe..just for tonight, Yusuke can pretend that everything is okay..

* * *

When they got back, Akira gave Yusuke a towel so he could clean himself up, and some clean clothes. They were a bit small for Yusuke, but it worked. After making sure that Yusuke had something to eat and informing everyone that they were okay, they went to bed. Akira insisted that Yusuke slept on the bed with him, forcing him to sleep against the wall so he couldn’t try to leave without waking Akira up. It was bittersweet for Yusuke, and thankfully, he fell asleep before his thoughts could start to wander, counting the stars Akira had pasted onto the ceiling as he drifted off..

The next day, Akira takes Yusuke down to Takemi’s clinic, hoping to find some sort of solution for him. However, as Yusuke had expected, she said that there was nothing that she could do. Still, a small part of him ached, the little hope he had being snuffed out by her verdict.

_“..and how long have you had this condition?”  
“Well..it started around June last year.”  
“And how many colours have you lost?”  
“..three.”  
“...”_

_Takemi pulls away from him, putting the flashlight back into her pocket.  
“I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do. Technology is not advanced enough to help with monochromatic colour blindness.”  
“W-what if he got one of those colourblind glasses?”  
“Those won’t work if his rods cannot process colour at all.”_

_She turns to Yusuke.  
“Why don’t you confess to them?”  
“..they’re seeing someone else.” Yusuke sighs.  
“It’s alright, thank you Takemi-san.”  
“I barely helped you Yusuke..”  
“That’s alright, thank you for your time..”_

* * *

Now that they were back at the cafe, Yusuke had started to pack his things up, getting ready to head back to his dormitory. He did not stop when he heard Akira’s footsteps coming up the stairs, back turned towards him.

“..Yusuke where are you going?”  
“..back. I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”  
“You’re not gonna do that Yusuke.” Akira sighs.  
“..look, we’re all worried about you, can’t you leave after the others arrive? They want to see you.”  
“..alright, but I’m going back after that.”  
“..why are you avoiding me Yusuke? Was it something I said or did? Can you please tell me?”

Yusuke stops, staring at some corner of the room. In that moment, he had contemplated telling Akira everything- to tell him about how he felt, about how much he loved him.Would Akira look disgusted? Would he tell him to leave and never talk to him again? Maybe then he will be left alone without having to worry. Or..would he embrace Yusuke, tell him that he loved him. Would he kiss him ever so gently and hold him in his arms like he was afraid of losing him?

“..I’m just tired.” Yusuke finally turns to face Akira, giving him a small smile. “I’ll be okay, please don’t worry about me.”

Akira returns the slight smile, walking over to Yusuke. “You know that I can’t help but do that...promise that you will tell me if something is wrong?”  
“Yes, I promise. I won’t do anything like that again.”  
“Good.”

They shared a moment together, then the shop bell rings, breaking the silence. “Ah, the others must be here.”  
“We should go down to meet them then, I have to apologise for making them worried..”  
“I don’t wanna say that you should but you really got everyone scared- Ann even cried cus she was so worried…”  
“Really? Oh, then I should really apologise to her..”

* * *

Months went by, and Yusuke continued to steadily lose sight of colours. Despite how everyone tried to convince him to confess to his person of interest..he would refuse to every time. Futaba even tried to stalk him and see if she could find the person, and they even thought that Yusuke liked Hifumi at one point (since she was the only other person he talked to outside of the group), but alas, she was not dating anyone, which did not fit Yusuke’s description. Whoever it was, Yusuke must truly love them to be willing to give up his sight of colours to let them be in a happy relationship..

* * *

With Yusuke only losing more colours, as much as he promised the group that he would take care of himself, he started to fall back into his bad habits. They did not blame him of course- they cannot imagine what he was going through. Still, they tried to help him however they could; bringing meals to him, helping him to clean up his room, taking him out on outings..they tried to take care of him the best that they could.

* * *

8am, Saturday, 7 August 20xx. That was the day Yusuke lost the last colour, blue. He remembered waking up that day, walking over to open the curtains as he usually did. Only this time...he couldn’t see the bright sky. At first, he thought it was just a cloudy day...but..no. The once blue sky, is now grey. Grey like everything else.

“...” He told himself that he would not cry, that it was inevitable..but Yusuke couldn’t stop the tears from falling. This was it, he had given up everything for Akira...was it worth it? Was it worth suffering for the rest of his life? All his dreams, all of his aspirations, he would never be able to continue down this career path. No one has any use for an artist who couldn’t see colours..

Yusuke closes the curtains again, returning to bed to sob into his pillow. He was tired...oh so tired...maybe if he went back to sleep, he would wake up from this never ending nightmare..

* * *

No one had heard from Yusuke since Saturday. The first day, they pass it off as Yusuke being busy. When the second day passes with nothing however...they start to get worried, especially after what happened the first time...they did not want to risk anything. So when Yusuke did not come online for the third day, they all headed to his dorm to go check on him.

“Yusuke?? Are you there?” Haru calls out as she knocks on the door, frowning when they got no answer.  
“Futaba did you track his phone?”  
“Yes..it says that he’s inside..”  
“Then why isn’t he answering the door?”  
“..should we try to break the door down?”  
“No need.” Akira cuts them off by pushing to the front of the group, producing a lockpick. “...from our glory days.” He mutters, then starts picking the lock of the door. They hear a ‘click’ after a few seconds, Akira quickly pushing the door open to walk in. Everything looked normal..until they spot Yusuke lying on the ground by his bed, face down.

“Oh my god-”  
“YUSUKE!!”

Akira rushes over to him, turning him over. “...he’s still breathing, barely. Someone call an ambulance- quick!”  
Makoto quickly pulls out her phone, Yusuke letting out a soft groan as his eyes flutter open.

“H-he’s awake!”  
“Yusuke? Yusuke can you hear me?”  
“...w…wa..ter.”  
“..water- someone get him some water!!”

Ryuji reacts quickly, grabbing a nearby bottle of water to pass to Akira, who helps Yusuke to sit up.. “H-here.” he uncaps the bottle, putting it to Yusuke’s lips so he could drink. Yusuke finishes the entire bottle, sighing as he rests his head against Akira’s shoulder. Was this a dream? He felt sick. Yusuke turns to look at Akira, staring at him in wonderment. Maybe this was heaven...

“..don’t fall asleep Yusuke.” Akira shakes him gently. “You’ll be okay soon, just stay with us okay? Just stay…”

Yusuke’s vision starts swimming, and that was the last thing he heard before his entire world went dark again…

* * *

...when Yusuke wakes up, he’s greeted by harsh lights glaring down at him. Groaning, he closes his eyes again, trying to sit up, but he’s stopped by multiple pairs of hands. “Mmph..” He looks glances around, vision finally focusing on the people standing around him. Oh...everyone was here..where is here?

“..how are you feeling?” Yusuke turns to look at Akira.  
“...what happened?”  
“...dehydration. You passed out. We rushed you to the hospital the moment we found you lying on the ground.”  
“Yusuke..what happened?”

He glances over at everyone. Unable to meet their concerned stares, he turns to stare at his lap. “..I lost all sight of colour a few days ago. Blue..I can no longer see the sky..” He goes quiet, taking a deep breath to control his nerves.

“...I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just..spent the days in bed crying. And then I was tired..so tired, that I couldn’t get out of bed- I tried, but I didn’t have the energy..”  
“..Yusuke we’re so sorry..”  
“..it’s fine. There’s no point anymore, now that it’s all gone..”

The room falls silent, no one really knowing what to say in this situation.

“...who is so important to you that you’re willing to give up your art?”  
“...I suppose there is no point hiding it now. Nothing will change no matter what happens.”

Yusuke lifts his head, turning to look Akira in his eyes. “...I am in love with you Akira. And..the reason why I refused to tell you was because, well, I was scared of being rejected. It doesn’t matter now however..I know that the person you love is Ryuji. I’m sorry, I’ll do my best to give up on you, please do not worry about me..”  
“...Yusuke…/I’m/ the one you love?”  
“..who else..? You’re the only one who I’ll give everything up for..”

* * *

“...” Akira takes a deep breath, then starts heading towards the apartment. It’s been a few years since then, and while Yusuke is now unable to paint, his teachers encouraged him to pursue an art career using charcoal instead. It took awhile for him to get used to it, but he quickly got the hang of it, and now was making beautiful charcoal pieces that are highly sought after. Of course, Yusuke doesn’t ask for much, just that his art be appreciated by everyone.

As for Akira, he decided to stay in Tokyo, moving to live with Ryuji and his mother. He still works for Sojiro, and sometimes helps Haru with her cafe. Overall, he was doing fine..if not for the guilt he still has left. Yusuke was still slowly recovering..but of course, everyone has bad days..

Normally when Yusuke has bad days, one of the girls would drop by to take care of him, fearing that if Ryuji or Akira went..it would only agitate him further. Unfortunately, none of them were free today: Ann was overseas, Makoto was busy with a case, Haru had a meeting, and Futaba had a lecture to attend to, which left the two guys. Ryuji had initially offered to go with Akira..but they decided that it would be a bad idea if Yusuke saw them together and got upset, so Akira was alone.

* * *

He had the spare key to the house- each of the girls had one in case; Futaba handed him her’s. Akira stops in front of the door, “..Yusuke. It’s me, Akira. I’m gonna come in okay?”

With that, he inserts the key into the keyhole, unlocking the door. The place..was in a state. There were broken canvases strewn everywhere, some with dried paint, others with still wet paint on them. Empty tubes of paint were littered everywhere, along with brushes caked with layers of dried paint. Akira couldn’t even see the individual colours anymore..all he could see was an ugly grey colour, a result of Yusuke mixing all of the paints together. In the middle of all that mess..was Yusuke, muttering to himself as he worked a canvas.

“...Yusuke?” Akira slowly walks over to him, flinching when the other boy turns to look at him. His eyes were bloodshot, puffy too, like he had been crying. He was covered in paint, head to toe, and he looked paler than he normally was.

“..you.” Yusuke frowns, suddenly lunging towards Akira, grabbing onto the collars of his shirt. “This is all YOUR fault! Madarame said that I would never go far with my paintings and he was right- he was right hE WAS RIGHT AND THIS IS **ALL. YOUR. FAULT**!!” he screams, then his grip loosens, Yusuke resting his head against Akira’s chest as he starts crying.

“I should’ve never fallen for you...I never should’ve talked to you..I hate you, I hate you..I hate that I love you..I hate you..”

Akira says nothing. Just holds Yusuke to his chest as he cries. Perhaps he believes him, believes that Yusuke truly hates him, that he might’ve been better off not meeting Akira..but he knows that it's not true. Some part of him wishes that he could help, but alas, he couldn’t fix everything, could he? As much as he tries to be the saviour of the group, there are some things he just can’t fix..and it hurts..oh how it hurts him to see Yusuke so in pain..

“..I’m sorry Yusuke..” he whispers, gently rubbing his back. “I’m so so sorry…” Because that was all he could say, because that was the only thing he could say without upsetting Yusuke any further.

And Yusuke doesn’t reply, simply sobbing into Akira as he clings to the front of his shirt, glittering tears rolling down his cheeks. All Akira got in return was the soft, twinkling sound of Yusuke’s tears, the once whimsical sound ruined for everyone..

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this took me forever!! The formatting was an ass and it literally took me at least half an hour lol
> 
> Anyway I hope you guys like this?? Idk I feel like it's,,,,really not that good but I can't stop thinking about this so here you go hhh


End file.
